Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
