The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
