I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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