My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
