i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
