I wish I only lived at night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
