Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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