after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
