just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
