I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
