the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
