anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
