come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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