I think I won the penis lottery.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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