U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
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There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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