ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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