Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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