he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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