I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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