Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
