So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
