that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
