you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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