She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At least life still wants to fuck me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
