No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
this hospital has no fireball
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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