I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
