They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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