I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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