You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
