I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize