Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize