im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
