she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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