ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
