Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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