Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
