last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize