And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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