you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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