dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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