So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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