Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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