Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
