kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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