drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did i walk over a car last night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
