my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
