Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
