I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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