If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
