I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
