at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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