i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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