They should really pass out barf bags in church
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
