listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
