I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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