when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
