party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion