If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel