So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
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Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia