this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
