Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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