apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
